Pam has come back from her travels and has written a terrific post about the challenges of the adventure and the importance of keeping your voice. I think travel can be quite overwhelming, and if you are away from your support team even more so. Pam conveys some of this uncertainty really well and I feel privileged that she has shared her thoughts with us honestly. Thanks Pam – you’re a champion…
Hi all. Yes I am back in WA. I have not written much about my adventure but it was not the greatest. Elizabeth’s blog is always so up and positive that I was not sure whether to write this but there is always good and bad and as long as we learn from the bad it is not so bad after all. I went to Texas and stayed with my son and his wife and my 2 amazing beautiful grandies. The x husband also came along and that was my first mistake. My x and my son are two very opinionated men with sick senses of humour, even if they hurt people. One of the many lessons I learnt there when I got fed up and wanted to run away was not to leave with my suitcase and no phone not knowing where I was or where I needed to go. I didn’t even know why the cars were on the wrong side of the road so how could I make it across. So I didn’t get very far with that! Yes I needed my support group but they were all in Australia (note to self – next time take Elizabeth). It is amazing how quickly you can go from being a strong confident woman to feeling like a scared little girl with no voice.
There is a lot of sadness in Texas. On every corner there are beggars and people sleep under the freeways. I gave out money to them wherever I could. I cooked a lot for my son. He loved mum’s food – my x said I got my identity by cooking but I believe I give my love by cooking. Nathan took a week off and we drove to New Orleans. This was my dream destination. I rang my mum from the motel room and told her I was looking at the Mississippi river. I was so excited, I was like a kid at Christmas. She told me to calm down but I couldn’t. She suggested I go put my feet in the river just to have the thrill. I told her I was stripping off and jumping in.
I told everyone I would spend whatever money to taste everything even alligator balls, just to say I did it. Well we had tea in the rooms as the babies had had enough and the next day we left at 8.30 and stopped in at Burger King, where I said I didn’t want anything. They told me to stop being a sook but how could I eat Burger King in New Orleans – it would be sacrilege. Then we drove on to Destin in Florida. I cried all the way – it was a disappointment. Well lets be honest it was fucking bullshit (sorry about that). I did not see or do a lot. I mainly looked after the boys. Travelling, I was in the back of the car and I would listen to the stories my x would tell of when the kids were younger but as soon as I tried to say ‘it was this way’ my voice again was not heard. I have learnt a lot from all of this. It is ok to have and need a support group. I’m so grateful for my home team and I also want to thank you all on here. Thank you for giving me a voice and making me feel worthy of you all reading and listening and for all the thumb prints you have put on my heart. Again thank you and thank you for reading my ravings even if they are not always the happiest.
I have just read back through this. Writing has always come easy to me but as you all know I can’t spell and sometimes my brain goes too fast. My trip was a big and confusing adventure, with good (the babies, the big river, the squirrel outside my window) and bad all jumbled up together, so this story is a bit confused too. But I’ve left it like this as it was what my holiday was like at the time.
PS Just a note: if anyone has a spare ticket to New Orleans I will carry your bags for you (lol).